


Surfboards

by tatooedlaura



Series: Life [30]
Category: The X-Files
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 03:51:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9105466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatooedlaura/pseuds/tatooedlaura
Summary: It's California ... gotta surf :)





	

The pounding headache she could deal with, the cotton-mouth she could deal with, hell, she could deal with the queasiness as long as she found herself some kind of greasy taco soon.

It was the nose-rattling, window-shattering snoring Mulder was doing beside her that made her want to die. She knew he snored and she knew he snored louder when he had been drinking but the snoring that was happening at this very moment was enough to make her want to suffocate him.

Not completely, mind you, but enough to where he’d wake up so she could go back to sleep.

But of course, she did not, the main reason being that she’d have to drive back home alone, probably with his corpse strapped to the hood of the Jeep like some hunter’s trophy. That image, along with the one from the movie ‘Vacation’ made her chuckle, then laugh.

She forgot that laughing would hurt but apparently, it hurt Mulder more because his hand shot out and did his best to cover her mouth, “shut. Stop. Stop and shut.”

Scully licked his palm, “move it or lose it, Mulder.”

At least the chainsaw snoring had ceased. Scully sent up a silent prayer of thanks.

“I don’t think I can move it, Scully. I think I’m two seconds away from dying or puking.”

Moving fast, she slid off the bed, swaying with confused equilibrium issues but wanting to give him a clear path to the bathroom. He appreciated this but when he sat up, he neither keeled over in death nor vomited on the bed. Instead, he let out a belch that Scully couldn’t help but grin at, then wrinkle her nose, covering it with her hand, “holy shit … I can smell you over here. My God.”

“Sorry but I feel better now. At least on the throwing up front.” Squinting up at her finally, “no more wine. Ever.”

“Yeah, I can’t see that happening.”

“Me either but I thought I’d toss it out there to see if it’d stick.”

Scully’s stomach turned, making her frown, “I need some tacos. Want to come?”

“Tacos?”

“Greasier the better. I don’t have any means to make Mac and Cheese so tacos are my next best bet.”

Mulder attempted to stand, fell right back on the bed, groaning at he bounced a moment then stilled, “I’ll just slow you down.”

Moving to the bathroom to scrub at her mouth, “I’ll bring you back a bag full.”

&&&&&&&&&&&

Tacos purchased, she made her way across the hotel lobby, sunglasses in place, gait steady, 8:15am hangover food out there for the world to see.

She ate one in the elevator and felt instantly better.

She forced Mulder to eat two. He turned a lurid shade of green and threw them up five minutes later, opting to sit on the bathroom floor for a little while with a large glass of water.

“Sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t think that would happen.”

“Ssshhhh. Just … sssshhh.” Fingers over his lips like they were in first grade again, “no talking. Ten minutes. I love your voice more than you know but right now, it’s just like ice picks to the brain.”

Luckily it was far enough away from the Schnauz case that this image didn’t make her shudder or piss her off so she whispered ‘sorry’ and closed the door gently, leaving him in his post-inebriation agony.

Mulder came out of the bathroom not long after, asking for drugs and sunglasses. Handing him both, he slowly drank another glass of water, then, “so, think I can surf like this?”

“If you want to drown, yeah, go for it but otherwise, we’re probably gonna have to give it a few hours.”

How she was doing so much better than he was, he had no idea, “why are you not half-dead like me?”

Holding up the half-empty two-liter of water she bought along with the tacos, “water and grease. I have no idea why it works for me but it does.”

“Then I elect that you go drive to Tara’s parents and pick up the passports while I drink my own two-liter and take a nap.”

Feeling fairly okay with the world, “I’ll go in a little while. I don’t need all this water wanting out in the middle of the San Diego freeway system.”

&&&&&&&&&&&

By noon, she was back with the documents, Mulder dressed and sitting on the balcony, still drinking water but looking less dead than he had all day. Scully sat down next to him, idly glancing through her passport, then Mulder’s, then her own, then Mulder’s, then looking at her watch, then looking at Mulder’s again, “well, shit.”

“What?”

“Have you happened to look at the expiration date on your passport recently?”

“Yeah. I still have another year on it. It expires next year.”

Holding it up for him to see, “no, dear, it expires in three days.”

“No … dear,” reaching for it, he examined it thoroughly, revving up to make fun of her until reality sank in, “damn it, it expires in three days.”

Scully settled in her chair, head on the cushion, “I’ll take an apology for the sarcasm any time you’d like.”

“Sorry.” Patting her arm with the passport, “so what do I do? If we go to Mexico now, we either have to go there and immediately leave again or never leave again because I won’t be able to get back in the country.”

“I imagine this is either a problem for the illegalities of the Gunmen or the legalities of one Assistant Director Skinner. Your choice but I’d go the legal route first because I hear Mexican prison is probably not the best place for you.”

“You’d leave me behind?”

“A girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.”

“Remind me to skip your Christmas card this year.” Both, however, were grinning by now, and Mulder went to retrieve his phone, sitting back on the chaise before dialing their boss. Just as it started ringing, he handed it to her with a sweet smile, eyelid batting included, “he likes you better than me.”

She took the phone, “Already have the speech prepared, Mulder, never fear.”

&&&&&&&&&&&

It didn’t take too long to square things away, a temporary extension issued for Mulder’s passport that would get him back over the border for the next ten days. Once Mulder high-fived her across the gap between the chairs, “so, can we go surfing now?”

“Do you think you’re going to be able to stay upright?”

“Only one way to know.” This time, he burst out of the bathroom to see her already pulling her shirt over her bathing suit, “one of these damn days, Scully, I’m going to catch you.”

“Good luck with that.”

Hours later, Mulder was not dead, he had not drowned, hit his head, been eaten by sharks, jellyfish, giant waves, he was still smiling, he was still excited. Scully approved.

“So, should we leave tomorrow morning? I’m ready to go down to Mexico and see what kind of trouble we can get into.”

“I’m going to have to buy you a surfboard for Christmas, aren’t I?”

She hadn’t seen his face light up that brightly since … well, possibly ever, “or we could just buy some now. There’ve got to be used ones all over this place. We should buy a couple, strap them to the roof and go live on the beach.”

“We are inching closer and closer to never going home, I can feel it. You’re gonna grow your hair long and I’m going to turn a dark shade of leather and we’re only going to leave the beach to go find food, unless you build a fire and just start catching our meals.”

“I can totally see us living on a beach but first, I think we should just buy some boards. Start small, you know.”

Conceding to at least go look at some, Scully was not surprised at the inevitableness of them buying a pair of surfboards from some guy’s garage two hours later, with cash, tie-downs thrown in for free because Mulder let the kid inspect his badge. He also finagled a deal in which he could return the boards after they tried them out if they didn’t work correctly for them.

The kid, seeing Scully shake her head in amusement and the gleam in Mulder’s eye, knew they wouldn’t be back so he agreed, “sure. I’m here the rest of the day. Feel free to come back if something’s wrong.”

They took them out for a spin when they got back to the hotel.

There was no returning.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

Next morning, they got everything packed away, having caught up with a load of laundry in the hotel public machines. Making sure the boards, aptly named ‘Fred’ and ‘Wilma’ after the bright orange and blue colors they were, were tied down tight and the windows were open, Mulder pulled to the garage exit, “ready to venture south?”

“Onward, Mulder.

He turned left …

Then made an illegal u-turn because South was the other direction.

And got a ticket.

Throughout which Scully remained stoic.

She was, however, only able to contain her laughter until the officer walked away.

Then, all bets were off.


End file.
